Anime love advice: Screwed-up Relationships

Valentine’s Day: If you think being single sucks, or that your love life’s a mess, try to take comfort in knowing that others have it much harder than you do. Especially anime characters.

Think: It could be worse.

Okay, maybe it’s not possible for you feel better knowing that fictional characters have some rough relationships themselves. But you know what? Cheer the hell up. Everyone hates Valentine’s Day. So just for now, put away that knife and that picture of your ex-girlfriend that you just can’t let go. Make the most of it.

In honor of this wonderful Hallmark holiday, here are some bizarre, off-the-wall, and just plain ‘not-normal’ relationships in anime that could maybe….just maybe….make you feel not as miserable on this day (even if I am a day late):

Saikano – My girlfriend turned out to be the ultimate weapon of mass destruction.

Japan successfully engineers the perfect war machine in the form of a clumsy and petite school girl named Chise who happens to be in love with some guy who’s tall and dense and has cool hair.

I guess the fact that they’re also right in the middle of a war doesn’t help their relationship much.

Chise could be the cutest weapon of mass destruction you’ll see anywhere.

Midori no Hibi – My right hand turned into a girl. This girl is NOW MY HAND!!

Well…I guess it can be useful…at times.

This story shows us what would happen if our right hands becamse an actual living, breathing, talking girl.

It sounds incredibly dirty on so many levels, but the girl/hand Midori is actually very very sweet and, for the most part, un-creepy.

Lucky for her, Sawamura is a pretty nice guy. And the series itself is very light-hearted and fun. And they share intimate conversations about feelings and life. There is something really really screwed up with Japan!

Somehow, the symbiotic freak(s) develop(s) a very decent relationship. Probably gets annoying after awhile, but I suppose it doesn’t get lonely when your goddamn hand keeps talking to you.

Other than that, the idea that some guy in Japan decides to write a story about a love interest becoming your hand (or…how he got that idea….yeah), is damn creepy. Someone must’ve broke his heart.

Itsudatte My Santa – My girlfriend is Santa Claus…

Girl comes out of no where, says she’s Santa Claus, does magical things, and wants to help this guy for no reason. She also transforms into a bustier woman when she wants to.

Sure, it might be cool to be in a relationship with (female) Santa Claus. But if you hate Christmas, it’s probably a bitch of a relationship to have Christmas around you every day for the 11 months of the year it shouldn’t exist.

Don’t expect much depth in this one shot Christmas OVA created by Ken Akamatsu of Love Hina fame. It’s okay to watch around Christmas (more appropriate than Valentine’s), but their relationship is a big misfire, just like all other Ken Akamatsu series. ho ho.

Having Christmas around with you every day? No thanks

Rec – This girl is a voice actress, suddenly started living with me after her house burned down, and she won’t have sex with me. And we only got to do it in Episode 01.

Rec is a nice, simple, short series (9 episodes at 12 minutes. There’s actually nothing really screwed up about this relationship, beyond the above description. Male lead character Fumihiko meets female lead Aka after he got stood up by his date. When he finds her with another guy, he decides to have a couple of heart-mending drinks with Aka. The relationship builds up to something more meaningful, despite Aka being very non-receptive to Fumihiko’s affections early on. Though she was willing to get it on at the end of episode 1, she tries to keep the relationship platonic and professional afterwards. Poor guy.

Plus — REC is just really good, and worth mentioning here.

Video Girl AI – The one I love doesn’t love me back and the girl in a video tape came to life to help me.

Someone once said “Unrequited love is the best kind of love.” Although I want to look for whoever said that and punch him in the face, unrequited love is pretty amusing to watch. Poor male lead charcter Yota has an unrequited love who has another unrequited love, who happens to be his oblivious best friend, and his last chance is a video tape who takes the form of a cute Japanese girl named Ai…who develops an unrequited love in Yota. Pretty much everyone’s love here is unrequited in this love rectangle. Hilarious results.

Koi Kaze – My girlfriend turned out to be my sister.

Yeah, they’re siblings. They haven’t seen each other in many, many years. And she’s underaged. And they’re kinda in love. Oh, the temptation.

Despite the controversial subject matter, it’s taken pretty seriously, and doesn’t become too creepy. But it’s still kinda creepy

Kasimasi~Girl Meets Girl – My boyfriend got abducted by aliens and came back transformed into a girl. How can things work out?

Episode 01 begins with a boy, who looks like a girl, sounds like a girl, and has no eyes, getting shot down by a real girl. It ends with the boy being abducted by aliens. He comes back to Earth…as a girl.

Will lesbian love work better? It just might!
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Take care, ’till next time.

Valentine’s Day sucks